B: I don't know...
We do talk to ourselves, don't we?
We do double check our sanity once in a while
Q: why the hell do you like THAT jerk, Rachel?
SA - Self Answer -.-" why the hell do YOU like him, dude, we are the same freaking person, aren't we?
We do curse ourselves here and there:
SA - Self accusation: Why the hell must you eat so much and care so little? :P
But most of the time, we coo our shattered hearts, comfort our hurt soul... things we do when we can't find anyone to trustworthy enough to share the burden.
About beauty, I was not born with the beauty I desire :( You know, when you are sixteen and the guy you like, along with his friends composed a rap about how tilted your jaw looks, how fat you are and how- the only plus point on your body was your boobs - because they're slightly bigger than the standard A cup Asian. When all this craps happen to you at the age of sixteen, when the guy you like continually falls in love with someone else and continually share his dream with you. It's only natural that you ask yourself:
What if?
What if I am prettier?
What if I am not in TAF club, not fatter than him (for like 10 kg with odds -.-" )
What if I look JUST LIKE THEM - those skinny classmate chicks
Would he likes me instead of HER?
Would I receive a thousand and one chocolate and a few hundred secret admirers' letter on Valentine day?
If those craps ever occurs in your life, if you once or twice ask yourself something along that line.... HELLO! Hi5 here, you are definitely NOT the only one.
My tragic story started when I was 3. At the age of three, I was kicked out of the ballet club - because none of the team costume fit me -.-" so I could never perform on stage - so I should just quit. At the age of six, up till the last day of my school life in Vietnam, my uniform had always been tailored by my mother - because the standard size never quite fit me. At the age of thirteen, I once prayed to my grandfather that I would be given a flower by a male classmate on the 8th of March - for I had always been the only class leader who came home empty handed since kindergarten -.-" At the age of fourteen, I cried myself to sleep - because some guy in class told me, innocently, I looked like an ape from behind. That was NOT the end, was that? I bet Rummy still remembered how we met, how I cried and she felt so sorry for me that her kindness urged her to start a conversation with the - almost complete stranger. Well, I cried because I heard my batch mates' rap about my not-too-pretty figures for the first time.
and it was not as if I needed someone to remind me that I am not a "pretty girl"
Before my very best friends start to feel sorry for me then don't! I am glad, having been through all those craps made me who I am today.
Today, Rachel would flip her hair twice instead of once if someone criticizes her fashion She would bite a bigger bite of the cake in front of them if some poor soul tells her to go on an diet (apart from her mom, for she knows, getting a slap in public ain't pretty) It's not as if Rachel gets any prettier -.-" just that I, appreciate myself - my crooked teeth, my unsymmetrical chin, my overweight issue - a hell lot more.
Yet unlike Ruam, who desires a beauty that makes people smile, I want the kind of beauty that makes people green with envy, blue with regrets, especially those guys who give me a "PASS" when it comes to look. No longer do I praise those girls who are born pretty. Because it's effortless, because they are bloody lucky to be born with a gift, they do nothing to look that stunning. I adore, so much more, those not-so-gorgeous girls who have style, or at least the one who actually make an effort to look wonderful.
People criticize SNSD because they are "plastic". Me think, plastic surgery, so what? If they can, why can't you? Why must those ugly netziens sit around and envy SNSD look instead of getting their asses to a clinic and look stunning? Don't look at it as "human playing God" or "unnatural beauty" - yeah whatever, me think, let's look at the effort they put in to satisfy your eyes. Let's look at those strict diet they go through, those harsh hours in the gym to have that kind of pretty legs. You know, I hate those people who can sit around/ eat as much as they want/ wear FBT outside of their bathroom - and still have the shameless face to criticize those girls who doll up pretty
However, SNSD and 2NE1? Me like 2NE1 better - though I applause SNSD for the manufactured plastic look - I mean it in a non sarcastic way.
I love 2NE1 so much - not their music, but them - because CL and Minzy - 2 single eyes lid girls who have no cut on their face, still pull off the confident, healthy, beautiful look. (Park Boom and CL are both plus size chicks in Korean celeb standard. They are both so-called meaty girls)
... having said that... beauty to me is "comfortable" with your look, "love yourself" - all the corny craps make perfect sense to me :) Like Fer, she is happy with me calling her a Big Pink Loser though she freaking won a Jap scholarship. I believe she does not throw me a punch, because no matter what I say, she knows she is one brainy girl - in some sense her My Linh just cannot comprehend yet.
To be honest, if tomorrow I can find a doctor who can break my jaw and put them all back in symmetrical manner, I would :) To be very honest, if tomorrow, I can find a medicine to help me lose 5 kg, I would :)
in the mean while, I will sit around and "try harder" to lose all possible kg - at the same time praying for my luck that I get in any college I applied - Wellesley on the 26th baby!!!
in the mean while, I will live with what I have - hoping for the better ^^ but if this is life's plan for me, to look like this, to watch all those superficial guys going for those pretty shell with no pretty heart... then let it be
In a funny way, without her realizing it, 16 years old Ruam did not know, she had it all. She had THAT beauty she wanted. Because every time Rachel saw her, Rachel smiled - and not just Rachel, for sure. Because my parents still remember how your smile radiated that kind of happiness that make a gloomy day shine...
without YOU realizing it, you have it all. I have it all. Not on the surface, but with my wtf attitude, chicks envy me with my sureness (of myself i.e. if you don't think my look rox, YOU ARE WRONG -.-"), with my confidence and all that.Silly chicks, anyone who finally accept themselves would really have it all
you both are very beautiful
silly Fer, silly Rummy
my girls are DAMN beautiful
the kind that makes me laugh in vain
well,we are just as hot as SNSD - with the hat and Brown Eyes Girls - with the hip dance pose
so I can proudly say that we are even better looking that them both... because while they eat 80 calories per day, we eat 60 dishes per week and we almost look
the same Don't YOU agree on that?
4 Comments:
LOL at self accusation episode. haha.
i agree that beauty means being comfortable with yourself... sometimes i dont think i've reach that point yet : S
btw, what Wellesley?? they called you for interview? : D
no, they will tell me their decision tmr, and Princeton just says that they will also release their decision on the 1st, same as Brown. I need to get in
I want to get in ANY college, preferably on the 1st of April - else I cant visit Fer
hehe we're beautiful. yup xD
To be healthy counts a lot for beauty too.
ALL THE BEST FOR RACHEL'S UNI RESULT, AND FOR FERINA'S JAP GRAMMAR STUDYING! :)))))))
We are beautifulllll it'ssss trueee... and they don't know what to do... 'cuz they'll never be with us
wakaka, that depressing song! oui...
I am starting on my Jap lesson soon. But yeah, should focus my luck on Uni - utter most important
Fer,if u are willing to pay half of our air ticket Thai USA/VN USA from now on, we will promise to go by Jap air instead of Korean to visit you as many time per year as we visit our home...
How about THAT?
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